so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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