why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
