am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We don't watch enough power rangers
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
