There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
