Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
