Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
