you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
