So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
