Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
