do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
