turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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