just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
