I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
