ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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