You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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