my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
