I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
