On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
