i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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