U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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