He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
