Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
