He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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