eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
