I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
