I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
