Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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