We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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