i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
