Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
