My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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