I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
