do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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