There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
