tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
