I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
