I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
