I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
