so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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