Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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