Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
