Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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