I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
