I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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