just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
