As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
