I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
