how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
