I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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