Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm passing your future prison.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
