Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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